Why Non Canon Pairings Are So Right
by MissCHSparkles
Summary: Warning for crack fic. Professor Balderdash presents you with rather marvelous reasons why such delightful pairings like Dramione and many, many more. The aim is only to educate the confused and trifled readers who upset themselves worrying over pairings.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's note. Don't freak out, this is just meant to be a bit of fun and mock the pairings themselves, not the one who endorse them. Okay?...cool, let's have fun._

_Suggestions are welcome._

_Enjoy and please review._

**Good evening and welcome to Professor Marvellous Balderdash guide to non canon pairings from the wizarding world of that little rapscallion Harry Potter. Now, many of you will have heard of these pairings and in my study I have discovered that some of you mouse scrollers highly dislike said pairings.**

**I find myself at a considerably loss at understanding this erratic point of view and so have constructed this paper exploring why you couldn't be more wrong. Each chapter shall present the couples involved in each pairing and they shall state just why they belong together. **

**Our first pairing today involves one of the most popular non canon pairings Dramione. Mr Draco Malfoy, if you could please explain why you and Miss Hermione belong together?**

Draco- I'm hot!

**Good, good, an excellent point. Miss Granger, if you could state your first reason?**

Hermione- I've turned completely shallow!

**Indeed you have. Mr Malfoy, do you have anything to add?**

Draco- I'm a misunderstood little rich boy!

**What woman doesn't like that? Now, Miss Granger...?**

Hermione- I think I can change him!

**Inspired. Now Mr Malfoy, some ignorant readers may point out that you have a rather bigoted attitude, what do you say to that?**

Draco- When have I ever appeared bigoted?

**Precisely Mr Malfoy. Miss Granger, many would question why a liberal young activist like you would want to go out with the wizard who is racist in nearly every single way?**

Hermione- Oh but darling Draco isn't racist any more, he completely changed overnight and for no apparent reason.

**Well, I don't think anything else needs to be said but perhaps the two of you could sum up your relationship for the nice readers?**

Draco- I'm hot!

Hermione- Oh, he's so hot and blond! I don't need any other reason!

**And there you have it. Join us next time for more non canon pairings that clearly should have happened. This is Professor Marvellous Balderdash bidding you good night.**

_Author's note. Suggestion on other brilliant reasons for couples to be together would be very welcome. Only non canon pairings mind you. Thanks._


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's note. You've no idea how happy I was when this pairing did not become canon. You can probably tell I don't know much of this pairing because I never really read it but I hope it wasn't too bad._

_Enjoy and please review._

**Good evening and welcome to another edition of why non canon pairings are so right. I am Professor Marvellous Balderdash and I am here to present another non canon couple from the wizarding world of that little tearaway Harry Potter.**

**Today's pairing could be considered leville or nuna and the first to present a solid argument is Miss Lovegood. **

Luna- Well, everyone else in our social circle had been paired up and we were the only ones left. So obviously, that must mean we belong together.

**Well, that makes perfect sense. Mister Longbottom?**

Neville- Uh, well, for the first five years at Hogwarts, I was a complete wuss and a pushover.

**Yes, I can see why that means you should be with Miss Lovegood.**

Luna- I believe in imaginary creatures and I'm really, really weird. I freaked Neville out the very first time we met and continue to do so.

**Clearly, there is a connection. Anything to add, Mister Longbottom?**

Neville- Um, I suppose...we're both unpopular kids who don't have mothers?

**Good, good, I like your reasoning, Mister Longbottom. Miss Lovegood?**

Luna- The Nargals are really infecting this room at the moment.

Neville- I think I'm going to check on my plants or something.

**Obviously, this two have so much in common and there's absolutely no reason for them not to be together. Join us next time for another round of why non canon pairings are so right. **

_Author's note. As I said above, I was glad this pairing didn't happen but I have to admit, it's definitely not the worst pairings out there. I don't know, I just never felt anything when people slotted them together and I think the people they ended up with suited them just fine. That's just me though._


End file.
